Every social interaction in our life includes effort from both parties.

Sometimes, that effort is equal, and sometimes that effort is one-sided.

Maintaining a romantic relationship especially requires equal effort for it to work and flow healthily. An imbalance in its dynamic can cause toxicity.

But not every time we meet people willing to work to keep the relationship going. Some may try at the beginning but seem to let go along the way.

One-sided relationships are more common than you think, but it is as painful for every individual who experiences them.

What is a one-sided relationship?

A one-sided relationship is a relationship involving unequal effort from the parties involved: one partner does most of the work for the relationship.

The other partner? They tend to seem unbothered, uncooperative, and reluctant to put in the energy or effort.

Such a relationship can make you feel alone, unsupported, and undervalued. Your energy and effort seem to go unnoticed.

If you feel drained and unwanted while working hard to maintain your partnership, it might be a sign that you are part of a one-sided relationship.

Not every one-sided relationship is the same, it all depends on what caused the imbalance in the relationship. There’s a myriad of causes and symptoms to them.

There are signs that you can focus on to understand if you, too, are part of such a relationship. Here are the common signs of a one-sided relationship:

1. No support from their side: they ignore you and your problems.

Every relationship is kept alive by support. As important as love is in a relationship, support keeps it going.

But what does it mean when your partner no longer supports you?

You go to them with a problem or in need of help and instead, you are met with silence, an excuse, or a dismissive response. 

No matter how much you try, their attention is no longer with you. Although physically present, it seems as if they’re no longer part of the relationship.

2. You never come first in their list of priorities.

When the relationship is one-sided, your partner never seems to put you first.

There is always something better to do, or someone more important to meet.

Whenever you plan a date or have to go to an event together, they seem to feel free to cancel plans with you or even adjust dates according to their plans.

Whether you’re sick, waiting for them to show up on time, or plainly waiting for their call, they always seem to have something more important up.

3. If it wasn’t for your effort the relationship would die by now.

You have recently realized that you are putting all your energy into this relationship.

You might fear that if you stop trying, everything will fall apart. It seems like they don’t want to be here at all, but are staying out of convenience.

This is the biggest sign of a one-sided relationship.

You’re the only one having conversations, making plans, buying them gifts, and showing them love.

While they are indifferent to all of this and don’t reciprocate any of it.

4. You’re the only one maintaining communication.

It is quite hurtful when you realize that if you don’t initiate a conversation, you won’t talk for days.

You might have tried to test them, to see how long it takes them to text you first, and they never did.

The only time they start a conversation is when they need to ask you something or need a favor from you.

They never seem to be interested in talking about your relationship. They’re continuously uninterested in working things out and communicating.

5. You give everything you’ve got, yet the relationship seems to not function.

Not only do you sacrifice your time and effort for this relationship, but it never seems to be enough for them.

While they give you nothing in return, they always seem to demand that you do more for the relationship.

They have no problem asking you to do everything they need but become highly defensive when you point out their shortcomings.

In these cases, the same situation manifests itself financially: you’re the one paying for everything, and it’s as if it goes without saying.

6. You get guilt-tripped for addressing issues.

A sign of your partner’s lack of interest in your one-sided relationship is when they turn everything into an argument.

It seems impossible to have a conversation when it comes to concerns, decisions, or problems without turning it into a conflict.

One of the reasons they do this is that maybe they don’t know how to properly communicate, or it has to do with trauma and how they were treated as a child.

Nevertheless, it makes your relationship one-sided, since you’re on the giving end, trying to fix things up, while your partner dismisses or even guilt-trips you for doing so.

7. You constantly apologize, even when it’s not your fault.

After every argument, the only person who wants peace seems to be you.

No matter how long you wait for them to say sorry, you always end up apologizing in the end.

Whether you were at fault or not makes no difference.

They never end up coming to you to apologize, even though they start the fights and leave you crying in the end.

Where there is no guilt there is no apology.

8. Your compromises turned into sacrifices.

There comes a point in your relationship where you’ve been giving so much, and your partner has given in, you’re now sacrificing.

Compromise often takes both parties to engage to reach a common ground so that none of you gets hurt.

However, in a one-sided relationship, the compromise is no longer present.

It often transforms into sacrifice which is made by the partner holding the relationship together.

You’re silencing your needs, time, boundaries, and sometimes even dignity to keep this relationship together. It’s no longer a compromise, it’s a sacrifice.

9. Your partner’s efforts feel forced.

Whether it is an expression of love, communication, or making plans altogether. They seem to be doing it as if they’re being forced.

Whatever your partner does for the relationship seems unnatural.

In a one-sided relationship, you start to feel like whatever connection brought you together no longer exists.

Things you used to do together that once were fun, now feel forced. 

They no longer hug you, or cuddle you, and sexual intimacy isn’t present unless you’re the one initiating.

10. You end up excusing them to your family and friends.

One-sided relationships tend to be very draining. You become exhausted and burnt out. Usually, the first people to notice are your circle.

Your friends notice the changes in you, and they are usually alarmed and try to help you. Your family as well.

This is where you start excusing your partner or their behavior.

The issue becomes even more apparent when your partner never shows up to any of the family gatherings or friend gatherings.

But you always end up justifying their actions and coming up with an excuse for why they didn’t show up.

11. They don’t appreciate you.

A one-sided relationship isn’t just draining your energy, but also painful when you see how all of your work goes unnoticed.

All the help, investments, and effort are overlooked. They never seem to be thankful for your presence and your support.

In a one-sided relationship, there is no appreciation because they think they are entitled to this treatment.

Usually, these types of partners tend to be selfish and even have narcissistic tendencies.

12. You feel alone despite being in a relationship.

Your effort, love, and energy are not reciprocated in your one-sided relationship. This can lead you to feel alone despite having a partner.

They’re physically present, but not quite there for you. It’s like you’re loving them yet they’re not loving you back.

Since the relationship lacks emotional substance and effort from your partner’s end, it results in a sense of loneliness.

Often, you might not even realize where it’s coming from. But you’ve been going above and beyond to make the relationship work.

Unfortunately, you’ve been the only one doing so. And the loneliness is more noticeable the moment you realize this.

13. The relationship is affecting you heavily.

Another important sign you don’t want to miss about one-sided relationships is how heavily they affect you.

Considering that you’re the one doing all the work:

– You are exhausted and – if not burned out – stressed out.

It’s normal to feel burnt out and tired when you put all your energy into your relationship alongside your work.

It’s draining when you’re doing a job for two and all alone.

It’s also stressful when you’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid starting an argument.

It’s a mental challenge when you’re holding everything together and still being blamed for everything.

– You feel neglected and taken for granted.

It’s not that you feel taken for granted, you are being taken for granted.

You are doing everything for a person, giving them love and support, helping them out on every issue life throws at them.

At the same time, they fail to do the simplest things for you. They don’t respect you or your effort and don’t listen to what you have to say.

– The relationship is taking a toll on your self-esteem.

Opening your eyes to see how little importance you have in their life can give you new insecurities.

The dynamic in a one-sided relationship can make you feel less valuable since your partner shows little to no signs that you matter to them.

This can make your confidence questionable, and it can take a toll on your self-esteem by making you question your worth, value, and importance.

Fixing your one-sided relationship: Is it possible?

Yes, it’s possible to fix and save a one-sided relationship.

However, to make it work, there are steps you need to take. But this also goes if your partner has hope for it to work too.

If they are completely detached from this relationship, unfortunately, it signals an unsavable relationship.

Here’s what you can do to give a second shot to your one-sided relationship:

Communicate with your partner.

Sit down and talk with your partner about your relationship, and demand that this conversation happens without turning it into an argument.

Let them know how you have been feeling lately and how much you have tried to make this work.

On a second note, try asking your partner how they feel about this relationship, and if everything’s okay according to them.

Prove your point of view.

Allow them to see through your eyes everything you have done so far, for them and this relationship.

Give them a chance to understand everything you are going through, and don’t hold back.

If they are willing to listen, point out all of their behavior and their absence as a partner in your relationship.

Try to decide together what is going to happen with this relationship: whether you should end it or keep trying.

Listen to them.

Just like you had a chance to talk, give them a chance to explain their actions.

Allow them to pour out their heart, and try to see things from their point of view. Maybe they will give you answers, or closure.

Conclude together about the course that this relationship is going.

Give them and yourself space

After your conversation, allow them to have some space to come up with a decision or an explanation.

You also need some time alone to gather your thoughts and process everything that is going on.

Without them giving you an answer you cannot make plans for your relationship.

Focus on yourself and make plans for the next steps in your life.

How do you move on if you let go of your one-sided relationship?

No matter how good or bad a relationship is, it’s always hard when it ends.

All the memories and time together seem to get more hurtful every time you think of them. But when it ends, you need to learn how to move on.

– Take your time.

Cry if you need to cry. Break things if it makes you feel better, and get rid of the things that once belonged to them around your place.

You don’t need to hang onto memories when you know it won’t make you feel better. 

– Talk it out with your loved ones.

Let your loved ones know how your relationship was and how it ended.

Allow them in and let them know how things went so they can be present to help you out.

This way you make space for them to nourish you with their undivided love and attention which is very healing in such cases.

Your loved ones are a remedy for your heart when a relationship fails. 

– Talk to a therapist.

A one-sided relationship with unequal effort can be toxic, emotionally draining, and harmful to your well-being.

If you notice problems with your mental health, and if you think this relationship has harmed you mentally, it can be helpful to find a therapist.

Allow yourself to heal with the help of a professional, and talk freely without being judged. 

Love,

Callisto.